Thursday, August 18, 2005

Rest and Relaxation

Well, we're off to enjoy ourselves at a fancy-schmancy resort to celebrate our anniversary. We're going to do all the things that single people, and childless couples take for granted: sleep in late, lounge by the pool, have a quiet dinner, go to the movies. I can't wait to sip an umbrella drink while I read a good book and soak up the rays. I can't wait to have an uninterruped conversation with my husband about current events, politics, the latest reality show (our new one now is Battle of the Network Reality stars ... amazing how many people we recognize ... I used to love watching the original one back in the 80s). I can't wait to reconnect with my husband. It's long overdue.

I'll take lots of pictures and hopefully have some fun stories to share when we get back. Take care!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

A message to the bad driver on the freeway

Dear Old Woman with the brand new Mustang:

When you merge onto the freeway, you must know that the speed limit is 65. Not 40, not 35, but 65. I know that on a typical morning commute, the cars may be going slower, but on a day like today, when the traffic was moving quickly, you are allowed to speed up.

Also, when a car starts merging over with its hazard lights on, let them in. They're trying to get over to the shoulder. Once they are there, don't slow down to look at them. The car is not on fire, they don't have a flat tire, it has not been involved in a five-car pileup. They just needed to get over. Move on!

Finally, if you've been driving 40 miles and hour for several minutes and the car behind you (me) wants to pass you, don't suddenly turn on your turn to change lanes after I've already moved over and accelerated to pass you. You're not going to have time to get in, and you're going too slow to be in the faster lane. And by no means should you turn your ugly, wrinkled face toward the window as I pass and shout silent obscenities to me through a mouth covered with a much-too-red lipstick that goes way beyond the boundaries of your lips. Maybe you should get the prescription changed on those gigantic thick-lensed glasses you're wearing. Maybe then you'll be able to see the multitude of cars passing you.

That being said, I hope you arrived at your destination safely, even if you were probably late.

Boogie's Mom

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Word of the day ... Trendyfux

My husband is known for watching random shows, usually on the Discovery or History Channels. He's been known to watch a whole afternoon marathon on fire ants or dredging up some ancient ship. He tends to channel surf to find the most obscure shows to watch.

Tonight took the cake. During the commercials for Rock Star: INXS (the greatest show on right now), he stumbled onto the public access channel. You know the channel, the one that offers shows with no budget or seemingly no talent. Tonight's show featured a college-looking girl (more on her later) interviewing two members of an unknown rock band.

The lead singer was doing his best to sound rock-star cool, talking about their upcoming trip to Japan to do some gigs. He, and his band partner were talking about their love of music, how easily it came to them. As the cameras zoomed away slightly, we realized that either the lead singer was 4 feet tall, or the partner was 9 feet tall. The partner was huge. And kind of dumb. He spoke in this slight Germanic accent, a little like Arnold Schwarzenegger, just not so much. The guy was definitely a lummox. He rambled on and on, and tried to make a joke that didn't go over so well, so there was this really uncomfortable silence. "Anyway ..." he continued on.

The camaras zoomed out even more to show the studio decor. In addition to the folding chairs that the band members and interviewer sat on, there was a table covered in royal blue velvet, adorned with a human skull, and one of those creepy candles that look like they're dripping even if they're not wet. But the studio was super-bright, so rather than the sinister, gothic vibe they were trying to create, the result was sheer cheesiness.

The best part, though, was the interviewer. She had the thickest eyebrows I've ever seen. She put Peter Gallagher to shame. She also had this 80s rocker-chick type hair, long and scraggly, parted in the middle and hanging down to her waist. She wore some goth-type tank-top, tight jeans, and slouch boots. I know that slouch boots are supposed to be making a comeback, but I swear these were the same ones I wore back in the mid-80s when I was in high school.

As if her look weren't bad enough, she was a really bad interviewer, laughing nervously after she asked each question, and not getting the poor lummox's bad joke. She went on to introduce the band that was going to be playing next, Trendyfux. "That's F-U-X, so we're allowed to say that on cable ... I think," she said, laughing nervously. I'm sure the FCC will be giving her a call soon.

We had to turn it off once Trendyfux started playing. They were some god-awful death-metal band, and besides, the real talent was back on Rock Star. I wonder if the next season will be Rock Star: Trendyfux.