Thursday, June 16, 2005

Taking a hard look at yourself

I don't understand why you purposely make yourself sick. I know you don't make yourself sick like bulimics do. But you make yourself sick on other ways. That you have an illness and you know how to treat it, or at least minimize the symptoms, and you refuse to do anything about it.

Like those who have high blood pressure, but continue to eat salty, fattening foods. "I'm on medication, so this can't hurt me," they think. But they don't realize that if they stopped eating that food in the first place, they might not need to be on medication.

Or those who suffer from depression, but continue to drink. Alcohol is a depressant. It only seems logical that they will spiral down into further depression if they drink.

Or those who have an illness whose symptoms are easily reduced with a clean lifestyle of no drinking, no smoking, regular exercise, lots of sleep, but they refuse to do it. Instead, they just complain about their symptoms, and continue to take medication that they might not need if they'd just at least try to make themselves better.

If you want to live this way, it's your perogative, but when you become a burden on your family and friends because you're always sick, and you can't take care of yourself because you're in pain, or sick, or depressed, or when you don't meet our obligations or promises that you've made to others, then it bothers me.

I'm not saying that your family and friends shouldn't support you if you're sick or in pain. But when it happens time and time again, and when you have been told time and time again how to help yourself, and you refuse, then I just don't know what else to do. It's not fair to push worry and fear and stress onto your family and friends, especially when they have their own struggles and issues and day-to-day things to deal with.

I wonder what would happen if your family and friends told you that unless you are willing to help yourself, that they won't be around or help you. I think, because it occurs over and over, is that you are being enabled to continue your destructive habits, because you know your family and friends will always be there to help you. Especially when you make them feel guilty when they aren't.

I may sound cruel or heartless, refusing to help another human being, or not being tolerant or caring of their feelings. But I just have no patience for "martyrs" who seem to thrive on the attention they get from being sick.

I just want you to be well. To be a fun person for your family to be around. To be a good role model for the kids in your life. To live a long life and to see your family grow old. I want you to see that your destructive lifestyle is not as important as you seem to think it is. That your health, your family, your life is more important.

Monday, June 13, 2005

A little bit sick

Well, it's official. Jacko is a free man. I feel the same way I did when the O.J. verdict came in. A little bit sick inside.

There is no way that I could have conceived that he wouldn't have been found guilty of at least the underage drinking charges. Are we, the American people, allowed to appeal a verdict?

I wonder if all of those people cheering outside of the courtroom, especially the woman releasing the doves, would allow their own children to spend the night alone with this man. I think not.

I just don't get it. What is the fascination with this man? I admit that in high school, I couldn't get enough of him. Thriller was a great album, and I thought he was so cute. Of course, this was before the skin bleaching and the multitude of nose jobs.

But after a while, he just became another pop star who was unwilling to recognize that his celebrity was waning. Well, waning for the general public. Not for those fanatical people who still believe he is the King of Pop.

I just don't understand how he continues to be such the center of attention. And how people tend to overlook the things he does. How does he still have custody of his children, after dangling one off the balcony, and making another cover his head with a scarf while drinking from his bottle. Those poor children. Any normal person would have had their children taken away from them if they'd done similar things.

And now this. Not-guilty on all counts, even the ones where pictures proved that those in his presence were drinking alcohol. It's sickening. I know there are people who will defend him, saying that the accuser and his family were only out to get money. I thought that the testimony of the mother only sealed the case. She proved that they had a dysfunctional family beyond a shadow of a doubt. And I've read that many child predators prey on those from dysfunctional families.

I guess the only good thing about the verdict being in, is that we'll no longer have to endure watching Jacko on TV (well, at least after the media frenzy regarding his acquittal is over). Good riddance.

Just the four of us

It's official. There is no third baby on the way. I can't state how relieved I am, and how annoyed with myself that I let someone freak me out that way. I mean, if I'd had the some symptoms that would be one thing. But for me to feel completely normal one second, and then to get all up in arms about the possibility of something that never existed in the first place? Crazy.

So hopefully I'm back to my old self ... no anxiety attacks about phantom kids, no tear-filled nights when I'm feeling less than stellar (I can't believe I'm using that word. I don't even use them in normal conversation, but it seems to fit here. What am I? 16? in 1985? in the valley?), no venting about the lack of time that I have in my life.

Of course, when I'm feeling normal, I don't seem to have anything to write about. So I guess I'll have to make something up. Although, I don't really have time right now, so that will have to come at a later date.