Sunday, January 02, 2005

New Year's Resolutions ... in no particular order

After a bit of introspection, here are some of the things I resolve to do/be in this new year of 2005:

- I resolve to spend more time with my husband. When we had little Boogie, I found myself becoming more and more involved in her life and less involved in my husband's life. Put that together with two full-time jobs (his being a new job as a teacher requiring lots and lots of time), and you don't get much quality time together. Now with little Dak, I can see our precious little time dwindling even more. So this year, I'll make a concious effort to make sure we have some time together. Just this weekend, we spent hours watching the Twilight Zone marathon. Normally, I wouldn't have thought of watching even one episode, but his child-like exuberance with each episode was contagious, and I found myself watching along with him. We'd remark at the sheer genius of some of the episodes that were way ahead of their time. Like the one that said, "Imagine you're in the year 2000, and you had the ability to choose exactly what you wanted to look like." The episode was about how when you got to a certain age in life, you would be transformed. The twist was everyone looked the same. (While it's not exactly like that in our time, it is a little too close to the truth, ala The Swan or Extreme Makeover, where everyone has the same nose, the same veneers and the same boobs.) I even watched one episode without my husband, when I was up in the middle of the night feeding little Dak. It was a good one that my husband was bummed about missing. The main character, through a deal with the devil, becomes immortal. He spends his time trying to outwit death, by jumping under the subway, jumping in front of busses, etc. But he gets bored with it all. He ends up killing his wife, and is excited about testing his immortality against the electric chair. The twist? He gets sentenced to life in prison instead. Pure genious!

- I resolve to be a more patient mom. While I'm certainly no Joan Crawford, I must admit that my children try my patience. Boogie's tantrums and bouts of deafness where she doesn't listen to a thing I say, or the eighth time she gets out of bed at night, often cause me to lose my temper, sending her to her room, or raising my voice to a level that I don't like. Just yesterday, I thought about instances with my own mom, stories that I'd tell about how hard my life was growing up (my life really wasn't that hard compared to some, but my mom wasn't the most patient person in the world). I realized that some of the things I do with Boogie are similar to what I went through with my own mom. I resolve to take more deep breaths, keep my cool, and show Boogie how much she's loved, while giving the discipline she needs. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that, but it's something I'll stay conscious of.

- I resolve to be less passive/aggressive. I have a tendency to say things that on the surface sound pretty benign, but underneath are the things I really want to say but don't have the courage to say. That way, if someone calls me on it, I can say, "I didn't say that." This year, I'll either keep my sugar-coated comments to myself, or have the courage to say what I mean. After all, as Em-Dog says, my comments are pretty transparent anyway, and I'm not fooling anyone.

- I resolve to get out more without my kids. I think moms have a built-in guilt complex that makes them become martyrs, always looking out for their children, but never themselves. This year, I'll make sure to attend every book club meeting, call old friends for lunch, take time to work out more, even if it's just to take a half-hour walk. Anything to keep me connected to the real world. I can't think of the last time I had a girl's night out. I think it was Em-Dog's MK party, when I couldn't even drink a glass of wine because little Dak was 3 months in the hopper.

I'm sure there are other things I can do to improve myself, but I think these things will keep me busy enough. Happy New Year everyone.