Monday, November 22, 2004

And baby makes four

In two days, I will have a son. It still amazes me that I'm going to have another little one around my home. I can't quite fathom how I will have enough love to share between him and my daughter. I know that I will. I know other parents do it all the time. But I just feel so devoted to my little girl that I just don't see how I'll have more to share with my new little boy.

My husband and I laughed the other day about how our bed is getting smaller. Of course, my large belly is part of the reason, but sharing it each morning with our little girl is really the biggest reason. When our little boy comes, will they take over, leaving one of us to sleep on the floor? Of course, I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. I love that our little girl comes crawling in the bed at 6 a.m. to spend a few moments with us before we have to start our day. On days when it's dark outside, I hear her whisper that she can't see my face. I tell her it's OK, and she snuggles underneath my chin, her little arms wrapped around me. On days when it's light, or when she's actually slept in, she'll put her face in front of mine and stare into my eyes. Does she see how much love I have for her in mine?

When our little boy comes, where will he fit in? Already, our daughter is doing more with my husband than ever before. Mostly because I can't lay down on the floor with her to color or wrestle around. Just last night, she said that she couldn't play with her play-dough by herself, only with daddy. So will she start crawling into his side of the bed when her little brother arrives? Will he get to experience her little breaths on his face as her mouth drops open in deep sleep? I hope so. I know there's nothing like the bond between a father and daughter. For the past 2 1/2 years, I've been the one she runs to when she's hurt, when she wants to read, when she wants a big hug. But over the past few weeks, I've seen her migrate more to my husband. And I like that he's getting to experience more of that. Not that they haven't had their moments. But typically, it's me who she seeks out. Just last night, we saw the roles reverse. She was in bed, settling down to go to sleep. We heard this plaintive little voice saying, "Daddy? Daddy?" He looked at me and said, "Wow, that's a first." All she wanted was for him to fix her blankets which had gotten tangled. But it was such a change from her typically, "No, I want mommy" statements.

They'll have even more time to bond while I'm in the hospital, recovering from my c-section and trying to remember all over again what it's like to have a newborn. Hopefully it will all come back to me, because try as I may, I can't seem to quite remember everything I'm supposed to do. Will he be as manageable as she was? Yes, she cried, but she definitely wasn't the colicky baby that some people have. Will he be a good sleeper, like she was, or will he drive me to the point of exhaustion? I guess time will tell.

I just can't wait to see what he looks like, to see how big he'll be, and to see how he and his big sister will bond. Wow, a mother of two. I still can't believe it.