Friday, June 06, 2003

The Friday Five:

1. How many times have you truly been in love?
I've only told three people that I loved them, and I truly believe that I was/am in love with them: a boy my senior year of high school, my ex-husband and my current husband. Of course, there have been other times when I thought I was in love, but I realize now they were just extreme cases of infatuation where the person didn't like me back; or didn't like me the way I wanted him to.

2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?
The person I love the most is my current husband. He's very funny, extremely handsome and sexy, very smart, considerate and a great father. And while his little idiosyncracies, like his obsessive worrying about everything or his constant need to watch sports, sometimes get on my nerves, I wouldn't trade our life together for the world.

3. What qualities should a significant other have?
The same qualities I described above. They should also make their partner feel beautiful, needed and loved. They should do something every day to make the other person know how special they are. It doesn't have to be a big thing. Little things like picking flowers from the garden, washing their car, leaving a note or even remembering to pick up their favorite coffee can be a big deal.

4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Unfortunately, yes. The main one was my ex-husband. But he's got a great life now making tons of money with two kids and a beautiful wife, so he definitely has a better life than the one he had with me. I've also unintentionally hurt a couple of guys who I didn't realize wanted more from our relationship. I was just having fun. They apparently liked me more. But I'm still friends with most of my past relationships.

5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?
Love sometimes takes work. It means sticking through the hard times, and trying to overlook the little things that may drive you crazy. Because in the end, a true love is the best thing in the world. It's having someone there to stick up for you no matter what. Someone who's eyes light up when they see you, whether it's at the end of the day after work, across a room at a party, or over the dinner table. Someone who knows everything about you, and loves you anyway. And even when the "honeymoon period" is over, when most relationships start to get rocky, the best part of love comes. The kind of love where you're comfortable enough with the person to endure silence while driving in the car, get through financial difficulties like the loss of a job, and experience the greatest joy of all, having kids -- which is a whole other kind of love, one that is greater than anything else.

But it's also important to realize whether the love you have is worth holding on to. If the other person doesn't feel the same way, nothing will make that relationship work. The thing is, during the times when you wonder whether the relationship is worth it, look at everything else in your lives, everything that is good, and see if it outweighs the problem your going through right at that moment. If it is, stick with it. You've got something good. At least that's been my experience.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

Oprah once said that everyone should have five things that they're grateful for every day. She said doing this would make you realize how great your life is. While I certainly don't do this every day, I thought I'd mention the things I'm grateful for today:

- That I had a great breakfast with my husband and daughter. Not a wimpy breakfast of cereal or toast. A hearty breakfast with crispy bacon, eggs, browned hashbrowns and a warm biscuit. All washed down with plenty of Diet Coke. Yummy!

- That it's a cold overcast day. Normally, I would be grateful about that, but knowing that I have no willpower, I think I would have been tempted to lay out in the sun, even though my back still hasn't lost its reddish hue from last weekend's burn fest.

- That the Amazing Race is on TV tonight. I just love reality TV, but the Amazing Race is my all-time favorite. I've already picked my favorites (the clowns, the young virgins, the other young couple and the father and his know-it-all son, and the gay married couple because they are just too beautiful) and the ones I want gone now (the models, the air-traffic controllers, and the NFL moms/wives). There's just so much drama. I love it.

- That I woke up in a good mood because I had a dream that my interview tomorrow went really well and they wanted to hire me.

- That an elderly woman came up to me today to tell me what a happy baby my daughter is. "You know why that is?" she said. "A good momma." It made me smile. Other parents can probably vouch for this, that you don't always hear what a good parent you are. I think that's why it's such a wonderful compliment when you do hear it.

Hopefully the rest of my days will be as good as this one.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

This morning, I woke up thinking about a time in my life that was very different from the life I live now. Don't ask me why I was thinking about it. Probably one of those weird thoughts you get that start as a benign thought about getting milk at the store and evolves into vengeful thoughts of a past love.

This story wasn't about revenge, just a part of my life where I was very lucky, despite the fact that I was a dumb college freshman thinking she was living on the wild side.

I went to a very prestigious private school when I was a freshman. I got a scholarship that helped my poor parents pay for the rest (along with grants, student loans and work study). I was very much out of my element there, considering most of the people I went to school with were doctor's kids or children from Wall Street. Even Roger Staubach's daughter went there.

But, I made friends, and we started going to this bar that was known for not really caring how old you were. I don't remember the name of the bar, and probably wouldn't mention it if I did, in case I ruined it for other up-and-coming freshman. We frequented this bar every weekend, sometimes on a Tuesday or Thursday if we really needed the break.

The managers of the bar were these Hell's Angel looking characters, complete with ZZ-Top beards and leather clothes. But, they were always nice to us. So after going to that bar for a couple of months, they started looking out for us. Whenever there was an occasional police raid on the place, they'd pull me and my friend behind the bar and tell the cops that we worked there, washing dishes and whatnot. We'd stick around after the bar closed, drinking some free beer and just chatting with the guys. We found out a little about their lives, including the fact that they were brothers and that they pretty much got paid for managing the bar in pot and cocaine. That particular lifestyle was quite a bit different from my very religious upbringing. While I drank in high school (I had the luxury of going to high school in Germany, where there's really no such thing as a drinking age), I never touched drugs. Had never really even seen them.

I had my first experience with these guys. Not that I did much, but I can honestly say that I never really had a good time with it, maybe because deep down, I knew I really shouldn't trust them. We knew that one of them had been to jail for accidentally killing someone, and while they were nice to us, they had some pretty seedy pasts. But that didn't stop me and my girlfriend from going home with them one night because we knew they were having a party. Turned out, the party was just them and a few other guys. But we'd been drinking and didn't feel like going back to the dorm, so we stayed there, drinking until the wee hours of the morning.

The next day, we both woke up, shaking our heads at the stupidity of what we'd done. Granted, nothing had happened. The guys were perfect gentlement. One brother gave us his room while he slept on the couch downstairs. But the thought of what could have happened really scared us. No one knew where we were. No one knew where they lived. And while I know that not all biker's are dangerous, there's a certain element of danger in that lifestyle.

We made it back to the dorms safely, and at some point during the year, decided that we really didn't want to hang around there so much. Maybe it was finals, or the fact that we were running out of money by the end of the year, or the fact that we really didn't belong with their crowd of people. But that chapter of my life closed pretty soundly.

I've done other stupid things in my life, but I do have to say that that time in my life is one that I'm thankful I survived. It pretty much tops the list of things I'll never do again.

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

I just got back from the gym. And while I'm not back to the size I want to be, I'm actually a little impressed with myself. Not to toot my own horn, because I really don't like to do that.

When I first joined the gym last October, it had been six months since I'd had my little girl. I hadn't excercised since well before having her. Not that I'd really been a real fit person before that. I just had a pretty good metabolism. One that, while never let me be truly skinny, allowed me to eat my beloved fast food and stay a relatively good size 8 (at least until I turned 30, but that's another blog).

So when I first started working out, I was in pretty poor shape. The first time I stepped on one of those elliptical machines, I could only go for 10 minutes on level one. I couldn't lift hardly any weight on the dumbells (particularly self-defeating because I'd always been sort of strong) and really felt out of shape. I've been pretty consistent about going to the gym, usually three times a week doing the elliptical machine, spinning and an occasionally muscle-building class. Now I'm up to 45 minutes on the elliptical machine at level 13, as well as 200 crunches. It feels so good to leave the gym sweating like a, well I don't want to say pig because they don't sweat, but sweating a lot.

And while I'm still a long way away from a size 8, I guess I should feel good that I'm getting stronger. I also have to realize that when I look back at old pictures and wonder how I was ever that small (even though then I thought I was fat), I also should remember that at that time, I drank too much, smoked even more (causing me not too eat as much), and ate food that wasn't good for me (when I had the money to buy food because I was always broke). While I may have been smaller, I think I'm much healthier now.

If only I could keep that in my head instead of always wishing I was smaller.

Monday, June 02, 2003

This weekend was surprisingly relaxing for me. My husband and daughter went up to Fresno to pick up my mother-in-law who has been there for two weeks visiting family. So I had the house to myself and pretty much did whatever I wanted. The weird thing? While I had the luxury of a free weekend, I really missed my daughter about 10 minutes after they left (I missed my husband a little too).

But I made the best of it. I laid out on Saturday afternoon (although since I didn't have to watch the clock, I stayed out a little too long and got a little too red on my backside. Wearing a bra has not been fun. Neither has sitting down!) Then I went out to eat with some friends, had a few beers and stayed up late. But the best part was sleeping in on Sunday morning. No waking up at 6:30 to get our daughter out of bed. It felt really good.

Sunday I did some unnecessary shopping, got a bathing suit cover up, a new CD (it's this band Nickel Creek; they play this kind of bluegrass music. They're from San Diego and are about 18 years old, but they're really talented and have a great sound, I think), and some kitchen accessories. Then I went furniture shopping with my sister-in-law and lusted over the many expensive things that I'd love to have for my house. She's getting a nice new leather chair and ottoman. We should only be so lucky.

I ended my luxury weekend by renting movies that my husband would never see: The Good Girl (I actually thought it was a little slow, but not bad), and My Big Fat Greek Wedding (yes, I must be the only girl on the planet who hadn't seen it yet; very good. Kind of reminded me of my husband's family, except for the lamb roasting on a spit in the front yard!)

Today I'm going to get ready for my interview, and run a few errands. While I wish they'd be here to wish me luck before I leave, I'll anxiously await seeing them when I get home. Hopefully I'll have good news to tell them.